Humble Brags & Parental Jealousy

So I witnessed something that intrigued me the other day while scrolling through one of the many “mom” groups I am a part of (I’m a glutton for punishment and gossip I don’t have be directly involved in 🤷‍♀️) and the discussion I witnessed has stuck with me the last few days. The post was something along the lines of “What humble brag posts annoy you the most?” Simple enough. Short, to the point. Confusing. We’ve all seen posts made by other parents that often lead to feelings of worry, jealousy and annoyance, but why?

When another mother posts “my 8 month old says 40 words” (not a thing that actually happens, trying to prove a point) or

“my 3 day old sleeps through the night, should I be worried?” Or

“My 2 year old knows all of the species of exotic birds in their native names”

ok, you get the idea… when we see these posts, a baseline reaction is confusion at how any child could possibly pull any of those things off. Then the comparisons start. Your precious angel hasn’t slept through the night maybe ever, your 5 year old is non verbal, your toddler doesn’t even know that birds are a thing that exist because he’s busy taking all the tires off of his toy trucks. Why doesn’t my kid do insert awesome rare desirable thing here ? Some parents move on after reading such humble brags, but some, more often ( judging from the comments on the post I was following) jealousy kicks in. Jealousy of another parents children is common and normal. Everyone wants the best for our kids and everyone expects a certain amount from our kids. We want them to walk and talk and share, we want them to have manners and be kind and only listen to mommy when she’s not saying bad words when she drops her lunch on the floor (yesterday was hard.) But when someone else’s child meets those goals first, or meets and exceeds them, while your own has perhaps settled on a particular skill and is lagging behind in others we can feel discouraged and frustrated.

It’s like parenting has morphed into some online competition of who’s baby does what faster and better and first. We realize these are babies right? Anyone? Babies! They are not Olympic competitor’s, they are not competing for the same job, they are not battling in the Hunger Games in a life or death race to say “Dada” first. Feeling salty that your sister in laws child is stronger than yours at this particular moment in time does nothing except taint your parenting experience and your relationship with other parents who might otherwise be of great help or support.

Another issue with this feeling of anger and inadequacy is that no one is addressing the elephant in the room, your child might be developmentally delayed, be on the spectrum or just be in a phase of physical growth which can often slow mental development temporarily while their little body grows. Relax. Each child will do what they need to in due time. Some will have a higher vocabulary, some will be able to head butt you so hard your nose breaks, some will have cool dance moves and a taste for colorful music, no matter what, they are growing and they will get there. Harboring this lingering angst is nothing but trouble.

Lastly, let them brag! Just because you are having a hard time with sleepless nights does not mean someone else should be silent about a major feat of having a full nights sleep with a child! Just because your toddler only wants to eat cereal (been there) does not mean someone shouldn’t share the exotic spicy/salty/veggie filled recipe their toddler loved! Let them be happy and enjoy their own experience! Find what you love about your own parental experience and relish in it, trust me, it’s much more fun.