Asking Questions, Gaining Knowledge and Connections.

I feel like we often miss out on a lot of learning experiences and lose out on opportunities to make deeper personal connections with those around us.

We could so easily add more substance to our day by stopping to ask questions. Whether they be simple and basic like asking how someone’s day is going, or taking a moment to ask a family member or friend about a specific time in their lives or insight on something that is important to them.

“What was it like in the military?”

“What was it like going to college in the 80’s?

“How is your newest project coming along?”

“What was I like as a baby?”

Asking questions that go further than the common “How are you?” Which does have it’s place in the world but is often overused and unsincere, can bring a sort of emotional tether between you and another person. Asking questions that are uncommon or potentially personal can spark ideas, give inspiration to maybe research some thing that interests you, finish your own project, or great gratefulness. We overlook the fact that every single other human has a life and world just as intimate and complex as our own. We overlook that every person has a past and has experienced things that we have not and may never experience. It’s easy to forget that we are collectively one world, but still individual entities that live amongst each other without hardly ever interacting. There is so much to learn from the people in our lives and those we have not met yet. We should be actively seeking out answers to questions, we should have sincere curiosity about the lives of those we love. The barrier of unasked questions is what keeps it easy to feel apathy but do nothing. It makes it easy to move passed those walking by us without seeing the potential of friendships and knowledge harbored within those people’s minds. Sit down and talk, text, email, reach out and don’t be afraid of being questioned in return. It’s time we connect in a world of cold disconnection.

Social Silence and a Lonely Introvert

Loneliness is a strange thing. 

Some days, the silence of an empty house, void of guests or visiting family can be a blessing. A vacation from trying to be “on” and playing the hostess, keeping the coffee warm and the conversation flowing can be exhausting. There isn’t much that beats a lazy day in pajamas with no obligations, no need to spend mass amounts of time getting the kids ready to be in public, perfecting eyeliner lines, worrying about the traffic. 

Some days, Netflix is my best friend, and I sink into my comfy spot and absorb my coffee slowly, nestling into the day with not a worry in the world. My brain mellows without the ding of phone notifications,  vibrating texts and knocks on my door. I am at peace in my home, alone with my children and my routine. 

And then other days, other days the silence is dark. Mind you that when I say silence, I am not saying that my home is not a tornado of noise from my 4 year old and 6 month old, because it absolutely is. My version of silence in this case is social silence, the kind that can last for days or weeks. When the gravity of the realization that no one has called you other than your mother or spouse in a month, that, social silence, is damaging. 

Being an introvert puts this issue into the forefront on occasion. And the occasion is known as loneliness, but for many of us it is different than just a longing for interaction, it is mixed with anxiety and fear, endless questions and procrastination. We want to be noticed, acknowledged, chatted with just the same as anyone, but when we go into our introverted tendencies and block out the world for extended periods of time, the world moves on without us and then we need to catch up when we are finally ready to be a part of things. 

I came back from my introvert hole yesterday and stepped first into a pit of angst. Where is everyone? Why does no one visit me? Why isn’t anyone reading my posts? I bravely (for an anxious introvert) sent out two texts to two separate friends, and waited full of anxiety for them to answer. One did and I felt instantly calm and included, the other took longer and I was inclined to feel full of doubt and worry. I am unable to accept silence from others when I have only given them that for weeks or sometimes more. Is it fair? No. Do I know how to change my reactions? No.

I wish I could find a way to be more consistently involved in the world and it’s social happenings but each attempt leaves me drained and tired. And every time I try and fail at a day of being even an average level of sociable, it becomes easier to reach the bottom of that pit I fall into when leaving my comfort zone of my socially silent home. 

I am tired. And I am lonely. And I just want my friends to know I am here, and I want to connect but I don’t know how anymore. I’m not quite sure I will ever be social enough for people to bother with me. But I’m trying.